All i have been thinking about all day is the farm. i want to be there so bad and just rideeeeeee!!!! its driving me insane. today was good :] my friend jon came home with me after school and hung out for a little while then had to go get his bumper for his truck :P i havent been on the computer. i didnt celebrate 4/20 D; i wanted to though. uhm. I cant figure out this chemistry worksheet. I'm still confused about josh and now about jon too. oh boy. i just sneezed and i swear i almost blew a lung. speaking of lungs, i have CPR training tomorrow. bleh. i've been dieing to wear my dress. i wonder if i can wear it this saturday. probably not. :/ i think......idr... i'm really hot.. i need a new phone. my lips are chapped :[[ i need new music. i'm freakin bored as hell. i'm gonna see if i can celebrate 420 tonight with my brother :D i'm so excited. omg! idk what to write today. i didnt come on for a few days and everyday a few times a day i was like geez i need to do the blog :/ i wonder if anyone even reads these? probably not :/ ohh wellll.. i think i should start converting people to go veggie. :D jon is thinking about it. i wonder if he can cook. :] that'd be pretty kick ass..i really like hangin out with him.
Boy issues:
Jon
Jenks
Josh
any other J's? oh wiat
Jake is omg freakin hot as hell dude he cut his hair D: i was devistated.
farm. farm. farm. farm. i wanna go on alligator alley with Amy and Brittany and Fresca :D that'd be soooo awesome. i'll do it saturday but dude i just want to go right now. well maybe not since its so late. maybe like an early morning ride? that'd be cool. i'd have to talk to brittany and mary :D maybe over summer? omg i want it to be saturday. ag was eh today. oh when jon was over today i swear to god the ceiling and other stationary objects were moving.. nothing would stay still. everything was spinning. wtf? no i'm not on drugs. i havent done anything since november 08. its now april almost may 09 so yeah. I'm good. :] i guess i shouldnt do anything because of the sotret. oh wait. it would flush outta my system pretty fast though since its been so long. i wonder if i'd get high. i think i'm rambling. i want a good book to read. anyone got anything good? fantasy/romance or just romance is my favorite :D i love twilight and the house of night series. i seriously do. 2 people are making me suspicious of them. i dont know if i can trust them anymore :/ after what someone told me last night about me being "easy" and it involving 2 people that i trust, it hurt. damn. can i trust anyone anymore? i wanna be at the farm
okay. okay. okay. i know. enough with the farm right? oh well. i love it to death. its my haven. i just let loose over there and just enjoy life. i wonder if i could start going over there after school? nah. no way over there.... that would be pretty kick ass. brittany wouldnt be able to come so it wouldnt be that amazing haha still would be but not as much :] haha josh wants to come out. should he come on a saturday or sunday? hmm.. saturday i do amy and novia. sunday, jake is there and i do don juan and diamonte... probably sunday. i gotta pee.
okay. jessi is a bitch. seriously. omg! i can write about prom!! dude i cant believe i didnt think about that till now.
okay.
so we got lost a LOT. --omg there is this fly/mosquito thing and its driving me insane. i think i like jon.
if i go off on the story of prom - omg the computer screen did something weird again. am i going crazy? that book called Girl, Interupted was SO good. my leg itches. i'm going to bed.
goodnight
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Stream of consciouness - just for you Brandon :P
I meet Josh for the first time tonight and he tells me he likes me.. we had been talking a lot over texts and myspace but thats it... and yeah.. idk i'm not freaked out, but i guess i'm scared i'll end up how i did when Kane left me. i guess i'm scared to put myself out there, afraid to get hurt. I never thought i would be like that... ever. and now i am. I'm scared to fall for anyone... does that mean i'm not ready for a relationship or am i being stupid? :[ I dont know what to do, i mean i could wait and see how it goes, but like... thats what i tried with john and look how that turned out (see first entry for story)... :/ urf. Help m e.... please? i need advice... people told me to give it time, but i miss the touch of someone that cares for me.. idk.. its hard to explain... i dont want to become desperate. I dont know if i'm ready for a relationship, i was feeling up to it Friday night.. its now Tuesday night... and idk... now that its here.. i'm like oh shit!....as i am with most things... :/ help....seriously... gimme your thoughts.
4/14/09
So, i'm thinking of making this kinda like a diary/stream of consciousness thing/ranting thing. Maybe it can help figure out life by looking at things again, ya know??
Today was okay, its rainy and stormy, gross, windy, and cold. Prom is coming up, this Saturday.. sadly the only other girl in our Cadillac dropped out :/ so now its me and 4 guys.. haha that should be interesting. I wonder how long i can keep this blog going for.. hmmm.. i miss my bella. Its reallllyy hard being home... i dont like it at all.. i just look at the back porch and just it hurts... a lot.. :/ I'm listening to britney spears right now :] talkin to Josh over texting haha friend of a friend that i've never met yet :P anyways hmm.. wore one of my new favorite outfits today :] i probably should be working on my research paperS. yeah paperS. 2! dos!! freakin a. one is 5 pages with 7 sources, the other 2 or more pages, 5 sources. Chemistry one should be pretty easy. I'm excited about both, wow that sounds dorky, i'm just too lazy to do them. but i know once i start them i'll get into it haha right now i'm just too well, as you can tell, unfocused. Tornado Warning today at school, bleh. couldnt eat outside. i actually liked it in the hallway though :D never get to do that :]]]]] womanizer is an amazing song. i wanna hang out with lexi. haha we always rock out to this song :] along with others haha i always have fun with that girl. I want to talk to Derek. My other ex. he wants nothing to do with me though sadly :/ I'm coming i guess kinda close to Tori's boyfriend. Kyle. I mean, he has been a friend of mine for a few months haha but like idk i feel like i talk to him more then her...which is true and sad. oo! paramore <3 love them. oh! speaking of paramore. i'm supposed to go to a Paramore and No Doubt concert in June with John, yeah the one who doesnt talk to me anymore. awwkkwwwarrdd.. i wonder if he's still gonna take me. i mean he already has the ticket but ya never know. haha hmm.. i really love this song. Decode <3 from Twilight.. dude Twilight. I love Twilight and get made fun of for it but whatever haha okay i guess i'm done for today, might post some more later.
Make love not war <3
Today was okay, its rainy and stormy, gross, windy, and cold. Prom is coming up, this Saturday.. sadly the only other girl in our Cadillac dropped out :/ so now its me and 4 guys.. haha that should be interesting. I wonder how long i can keep this blog going for.. hmmm.. i miss my bella. Its reallllyy hard being home... i dont like it at all.. i just look at the back porch and just it hurts... a lot.. :/ I'm listening to britney spears right now :] talkin to Josh over texting haha friend of a friend that i've never met yet :P anyways hmm.. wore one of my new favorite outfits today :] i probably should be working on my research paperS. yeah paperS. 2! dos!! freakin a. one is 5 pages with 7 sources, the other 2 or more pages, 5 sources. Chemistry one should be pretty easy. I'm excited about both, wow that sounds dorky, i'm just too lazy to do them. but i know once i start them i'll get into it haha right now i'm just too well, as you can tell, unfocused. Tornado Warning today at school, bleh. couldnt eat outside. i actually liked it in the hallway though :D never get to do that :]]]]] womanizer is an amazing song. i wanna hang out with lexi. haha we always rock out to this song :] along with others haha i always have fun with that girl. I want to talk to Derek. My other ex. he wants nothing to do with me though sadly :/ I'm coming i guess kinda close to Tori's boyfriend. Kyle. I mean, he has been a friend of mine for a few months haha but like idk i feel like i talk to him more then her...which is true and sad. oo! paramore <3 love them. oh! speaking of paramore. i'm supposed to go to a Paramore and No Doubt concert in June with John, yeah the one who doesnt talk to me anymore. awwkkwwwarrdd.. i wonder if he's still gonna take me. i mean he already has the ticket but ya never know. haha hmm.. i really love this song. Decode <3 from Twilight.. dude Twilight. I love Twilight and get made fun of for it but whatever haha okay i guess i'm done for today, might post some more later.
Make love not war <3
Monday, April 13, 2009
2009 Life
So, as my first blog entry, I'd like to rant about 2009 so far...
January
wow it was amazing... i had a boyfriend who I honest to God loved... I had friends... until Jan 26, when my boyfriend left me and my friends went with him, yeah yeah yeah, you can say they weren't my real friends, blah blah blah whatever. one was my friends since preschool, one was from kindergarten, another from 7th grade and another from 6th grade...oh and another one from preschool, aw what the hell, they were: Tori and Jessi (preschool), Olivia (Kindergarten), Ciara (6th grade), and Dianna (7th grade) anyways... jessi, olivia, ciara and dianna all turned their backs on me.. Olivia and Jessi both liked Kane (the ex boyfriend), oh and kane and i dated for almost a year... today actually wouldve been our 1 year. yippee. anyways, tori and i always were the closest ones. but jessi would get jealous and she would basically do anything to keep tori away from me. uhm okay, lets go to feburary. oh and in Jan i'm still on speaking terms with Kane.
Febuary
oh boy. February. So, Kane and I are broken up, and we dont really talk a lot but if i texted him he would answer and we were still kinda friends, k? alright, so who do i run into on Valentines Day? yeah, Kane. Of all freakin days...anyways, we pull up behind him at a gas station near both our houses, and i wave and he kinda waves back, gets in his car and leaves. i'm like well thats great. and i text him and we make small talk and whatever, so i go home and later that night, around 7:45pm, i get a text from Kane saying: "I've decided I don't want you in my life anymore, because you're constant text interrupts my fun and you force me to think about you." okay yeah wtf? I hardly texted him, and when he sent that, the first text i sent him was the one from the gas station *sarcasm* i sure texted him a lot.. and force him to think about me? uh yeah. are you like retarded? i cant force someone to think about me. Anyways, i'm all depressed and shit for Febuary and March....oh and when kane sent that text, he was hanging out with Jessi and Olivia having a party.
March
nothing really exciting happens... i meet this guy who is head over heels for me, his name is John, and honestly, i wasn't over Kane enough to see anyone else like that... so I just hung out with John thinking, hey maybe things will change and i will fall for him and it never did... anyways, now he and I aren't talking because over spring break, i wanted to talk to my close friend Jenks who was going off to the army April 1. Okay, correct me if i'm wrong but i think going over to someones house to hang out with them and be on the phone the whole time does seem rude yes? well apparently john never got that... idk how but anyways he then tells me later, hey i'm not gonna be your date for prom anymore. well fantastic. Prom was 2 weeks away!!!! wtf!! anyways, so then i was dateless, friendless and just all together feeling pretty alone. how fantastic right?? oh jessi is in my english class, so she "plays nice" by telling me how much her and Kane hang out everyday after school, i'm like gee thanks for rubbing it in my face. bitch. oh so also, i finally have enough of the whole kane not talking to me shit, because i want some answers, and so i go over to his house one day after school, well, guess what? no jessi wasnt there, but he was freakin sleeping. so his brother let me in and i talked to kane, not a whole lot came from him, all he said was i dont want to be mean. i told him say it to my face that he didnt want me in his life anymore. he couldnt. idk what that means but whatever.
April
oh man. april... ha. so I text john and he doesnt even want to talk to me.. like at all..and i see him every freakin day at school... yeah whoopie do.. and i text kane sometimes, but he never answers... uhm... i texted him today and said happy 1 year. never got a responce, i REALLY wish i did though :/ and lets see.. oh. freakin Easter day, what happens? My rabbit dies. yeah. on fuckin easter. how ironically horrible and just seriously what the hell? I am a wreck and my dad had to pull me out of school because i was crying so much in my classes. i look like shit because my eyes are all puffy.. like they are almost closed yeah thats how puffy they are. So... yeah thats my life so far.
oh and i'm drifting away from tori, and all my other friends too.. thats what it feels like anyways.
the farm i've been working at for 8 years is being flooded thanks to the government, yeah i hate it. I cry when i think of it... they haven't found a place to stay and they have 22 horses to move... :/ i'm so worried... i love those horses so much, its the only place i forget about Kane, John, Jenks and life. i just ride my horses and laugh carefreely... it sounds weird when i laugh like that because it feels like its been forever since i have... :/ my parents are also pissing me off... dont ask what they do, they just do. they'll just try to be breathing down my neck and i wanna slap them in the face. seriously. leave me alone. but they wont. i'm worried about my brother too.. hes as crushed as i am about Bella, my rabbit. He loved her so much... :[ we don't know what happened to her. it was so sudden...
Yeah,
Life hates me.
January
wow it was amazing... i had a boyfriend who I honest to God loved... I had friends... until Jan 26, when my boyfriend left me and my friends went with him, yeah yeah yeah, you can say they weren't my real friends, blah blah blah whatever. one was my friends since preschool, one was from kindergarten, another from 7th grade and another from 6th grade...oh and another one from preschool, aw what the hell, they were: Tori and Jessi (preschool), Olivia (Kindergarten), Ciara (6th grade), and Dianna (7th grade) anyways... jessi, olivia, ciara and dianna all turned their backs on me.. Olivia and Jessi both liked Kane (the ex boyfriend), oh and kane and i dated for almost a year... today actually wouldve been our 1 year. yippee. anyways, tori and i always were the closest ones. but jessi would get jealous and she would basically do anything to keep tori away from me. uhm okay, lets go to feburary. oh and in Jan i'm still on speaking terms with Kane.
Febuary
oh boy. February. So, Kane and I are broken up, and we dont really talk a lot but if i texted him he would answer and we were still kinda friends, k? alright, so who do i run into on Valentines Day? yeah, Kane. Of all freakin days...anyways, we pull up behind him at a gas station near both our houses, and i wave and he kinda waves back, gets in his car and leaves. i'm like well thats great. and i text him and we make small talk and whatever, so i go home and later that night, around 7:45pm, i get a text from Kane saying: "I've decided I don't want you in my life anymore, because you're constant text interrupts my fun and you force me to think about you." okay yeah wtf? I hardly texted him, and when he sent that, the first text i sent him was the one from the gas station *sarcasm* i sure texted him a lot.. and force him to think about me? uh yeah. are you like retarded? i cant force someone to think about me. Anyways, i'm all depressed and shit for Febuary and March....oh and when kane sent that text, he was hanging out with Jessi and Olivia having a party.
March
nothing really exciting happens... i meet this guy who is head over heels for me, his name is John, and honestly, i wasn't over Kane enough to see anyone else like that... so I just hung out with John thinking, hey maybe things will change and i will fall for him and it never did... anyways, now he and I aren't talking because over spring break, i wanted to talk to my close friend Jenks who was going off to the army April 1. Okay, correct me if i'm wrong but i think going over to someones house to hang out with them and be on the phone the whole time does seem rude yes? well apparently john never got that... idk how but anyways he then tells me later, hey i'm not gonna be your date for prom anymore. well fantastic. Prom was 2 weeks away!!!! wtf!! anyways, so then i was dateless, friendless and just all together feeling pretty alone. how fantastic right?? oh jessi is in my english class, so she "plays nice" by telling me how much her and Kane hang out everyday after school, i'm like gee thanks for rubbing it in my face. bitch. oh so also, i finally have enough of the whole kane not talking to me shit, because i want some answers, and so i go over to his house one day after school, well, guess what? no jessi wasnt there, but he was freakin sleeping. so his brother let me in and i talked to kane, not a whole lot came from him, all he said was i dont want to be mean. i told him say it to my face that he didnt want me in his life anymore. he couldnt. idk what that means but whatever.
April
oh man. april... ha. so I text john and he doesnt even want to talk to me.. like at all..and i see him every freakin day at school... yeah whoopie do.. and i text kane sometimes, but he never answers... uhm... i texted him today and said happy 1 year. never got a responce, i REALLY wish i did though :/ and lets see.. oh. freakin Easter day, what happens? My rabbit dies. yeah. on fuckin easter. how ironically horrible and just seriously what the hell? I am a wreck and my dad had to pull me out of school because i was crying so much in my classes. i look like shit because my eyes are all puffy.. like they are almost closed yeah thats how puffy they are. So... yeah thats my life so far.
oh and i'm drifting away from tori, and all my other friends too.. thats what it feels like anyways.
the farm i've been working at for 8 years is being flooded thanks to the government, yeah i hate it. I cry when i think of it... they haven't found a place to stay and they have 22 horses to move... :/ i'm so worried... i love those horses so much, its the only place i forget about Kane, John, Jenks and life. i just ride my horses and laugh carefreely... it sounds weird when i laugh like that because it feels like its been forever since i have... :/ my parents are also pissing me off... dont ask what they do, they just do. they'll just try to be breathing down my neck and i wanna slap them in the face. seriously. leave me alone. but they wont. i'm worried about my brother too.. hes as crushed as i am about Bella, my rabbit. He loved her so much... :[ we don't know what happened to her. it was so sudden...
Yeah,
Life hates me.
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